Scattered and Out of Sync

I'm not sure where my life's going. It scares me. It saddens me. It angers me. I feel so unsettled and chaotic. I guess I've been skipping writing because I feel a little depressed. Among other things, you write to reflect and right now I don't feel like reflecting on anything. I have a freelance job managing blogs for a wholesale distribution company. I'm glad about that, but it's part-time.

I'm so obsessed with finding a job, a career, but I can't make myself relax. I feel lonely and sometimes my house is like a person who is mute. Its silence is heavy and hangs over me. Maybe I should go to the library. I feel so at ease when I walk in and browse the books. I miss writing. Lately I have been resisting the urge to write. I feel that my life is so cluttered and unorganized I can't get myself to sit down and settle into my "writing flow." Lame choice of words, I know. I feel so lost and scattered. I feel that without a career, I don't really know who I am. Or that in fact I'm nobody because I don't have a career.