A Life Based On Hope Alone

Come here, go anywhere, end up nowhere.
Once I fell under that illusion too.
Like a sheer sheet, beneath it I go.
In its folds I am lost,
I cannot find the way, I am angry.
Nothing to feel but alone.
Sweep back the glitter of academia, alone.
Ask yourself will it take me nowhere?
Don't ask me that, I feel so angry!
It will happen, has happened to you too.
It seemed all won, but really all is lost.
Take up your No. 2 pencils and let it go.
This is not the way you thought it would go,
no possibility of failure, only success alone!
Along with my annual fees, optimism is something I lost.
Follow a path of papers, books, and time to nowhere.
And you will find scholastic achievements there too.
I am scared which is why I am angry.
A drive to survive makes being angry
Inconvenient. Drop the dead weight, let the rest go.
Grab a beer and light a smoke too.
Look beyond the grating feel that will not let you alone.
Lingering on it moves you nowhere.
Though you are terrified of what may be lost.
Running the wheel, wading through Paradise Lost,
Ambition is what made Milton angry.
But look and you will find nowhere
That you venture and go
Will hand you a life based on hope alone.
Foster ambition, confidence, and faith too.
Where I am, you have or will be too.
All looks, but is not really lost.
Really, there is a crowd, not me alone.
Try, try not to feel angry all
That you really have to do is let go.
Being afraid gets everyone nowhere.

Leaving Sac. town

Tomorrow, I will be returning home. I've had the magnificent opportunity to intern at my cousin's PR firm up in Sacramento and also stayed with her and her husband in their lovely home. I know I have only spent a short time here, but I've learned a great deal about how media in so many shapes and forms: brochures, commercials, press conferences, social networking sites, just to name a few of the endless parade of genres, can represent a particular cause or deliver a message that otherwise would never make it to its target audience on a grand scale. I find that fascinating. I admit, I am not politically savvy in any way, shape, or form but I like that in order to convey a message there can be a neat intertwining between creativity and politics. An appeal to the sense of sight combined with some masterful wording.

Have You Ever Thought This?

Despite all the good you may have done for other people or the successes you have had, maybe you are actually a terrible person. Maybe sparing somone's feelings or trying to protect them from some great hurt will eventually evolve into a cruel, sad joke on them that you have enabled. And that would in effect make you a terrible person. Maybe it has never really been about the people around you, but rather it's always been about you and satisfying your own selfish needs and compulsions and making it look like it is about those other people. These things might make you, yes you, whose sitting or standing or squating reading this; a terrible person. Or just human. I guess it's all subjective.

The Best Things I've Discovered

Some of the best conversations happen late at night.

Some of the best things happen when you just let go and jump.

Some of the best people you meet might hurt you in the end, but it was only because they were scared and could not jump.

Some of the best things happen when you come to realize that, despite all the people who have hurt you, there is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Some of your best moments happen when you love a person as they are.

Some of the worst pain that has ever racked your body and split your insides open gives way to the greatest love you have ever known.

The best paths taken are guided by God.

And those are the ones that lead to the best things.

Solution to Writer's Block?

Thoughts On Writer's Block

It sucks big barf buckets (to steal my cousin's wordage)...but more specifically it makes me question my own ability to write. You always hear that quote "Writers write!" Even though I know it to be true, you might have heard it also, but...don't you just want to punch a person in the face when they say that? Really? Writers Write? Well drivers drive, how bout them apples.




If I'm having trouble writing is that supposed to mean I am not a writer? In my mind I can see the characters. I know them, they are real living people, and people I might add that I probably would not want to meet. Most of the characters in my story are odd, obnoxious, aggressive, complex, so why in the hell am I having trouble writing their story?


I'm not really sure of the answer to that question. But here's an excellent quote that describes who a writer really is:
A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ~Thomas Mann, Essays of Three Decades, 1947

Mood Indigo

The sky at first light
In the piney mountains, is
Splattered red and pink
As if it were painted by
A child, imagine
Tiny, fat fingers slathered
In vivid hues, fresh
And brilliant without tarnish

Giggles ride the breeze,
And modest hands make palm prints on
The indigo sky
The dawn is our child, its
Mist slow and serpentine

"Reanimation”

A summer storm that wets grass.
An embrace of home.
An easy sleep next to him.
Before, I was emptiness.


Now he makes me real.

It's getting to be that time of day...you know the one....your blood sugar and energy are low

After College....

"Destiny has two ways of crushing us--by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them"-Henri Frederic Amiel

See, told you I was an optimist :)

oops

CORRECTION:Public Three is the name of  the class blog. The class was about the Public Sphere, which is really any place that people can make conversation about anything and exchange views. There are more stipulations than that, you can find some of what we did and the issues we covered in the blog. I admit, some of it might be a tad boring, but there's lots of pretty pictures :) Also, we covered a discussion about the murdered women of Juarez, Mexico. It's very interesting and disturbing all at the same time, well worth a read! Young and old were slaughtered, I wrote a poem about it also on this group blog. 

In case you missed the link: publicthree.blogspot.com

The Beginning: After College

I've decided the time has come to wade back into the swampy waters of the blogosphere. Actually, it's been about a year and a half since I was forced, well, not forced, it's not like we all had sawed-off shotguns to our heads, but REQUIRED to start up a group blog on this very site. I think we were referred to as "public one" or something. Anywho, the class that required it (a class I thought I had to take but apparently I didn't) is over and I have graduated with my B.A. in English from Cal State San Bernardino. 

Well, la dee friggin da, right?? What to do now? Let me put it this way:

Graduation meant not success, but a loss. Loss of scholastic structure, loss of direction, loss of the dream that I could be whatever  it was I desired to be. Loss because I am lost. Floundering, with nothing but some lousy degree to keep me afloat. For the time being anyway. Until the academic degree's initial beam of hope that bore me upward was extinguished by rejection, trumped by lack of experience, and eventually reduced to a piece of paper that really does not mean much at all.

Did I mention that I'm an optimist? Or that despite all the sulking in the paragraph above, I am anxiously waiting the arrival of my diploma? 

And did you know that I'm a Whiskey Rock-A-Roller? That's what I am.

More to come.