The Glass Is Half Full, Because It Has a Steady Leak

You'll have to pardon if I sound a little morose but I suspect it doesn't matter since it does not appear people really read this blog anyway. I quit the loan modification job. After two weeks of co-workers viciously gossiping about me because I spoke up in two meetings voicing the absolute retardedness of with-holding our first week's paycheck (all of which I have not seen by the way), the supervisors pitting us the sales rep against each other, and the slithery pieces of shit that own and are vice president of the company dicking me around about my pay, I quit. My last check was hand-written by the way, I think that's the icing on the crap cake. How cheap are we here people? How unprofessional, greedy, and ruthless are you? Enough to where taking advantage of people and aggressively manipulating them is like breathing. No other job prospects and I won't lie and say I feel optimistic because I don't. I feel angry, frustrated, and just plain stupid that I've fallen into the sordid scams that I have. I know everyone is suffering; that's something that has been and will always be.What I don't know is what I am doing wrong. I'm pissed and I don't really care who knows it.

Here's A Legal Question About Paychecks

Is it legal for a place to withhold your first paycheck? And if so, does that also mean that it is legal if this first paycheck is never reflected in any pay period thereafter?

What Every Job-Seeker Should Realize

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." Luke 10:3

Maybe a better career choice?

Feels about that way.

We Don't Ask, We Take

"Are you planning to come back on Monday?" Margo is a blue-haired grizzled woman with kankles and up until this point I thought she was a nice woman. She shuffled into my cubicle and I felt that her eyes were hiding something selfish.
"Yes." Is this a trick question? Would you buy me a drink if I weren't? That'd be nice.
"Oh well in that case, would you like to make a donation for your seat?" Margo whispered. Her jowls jiggled as she glanced quickly behind and around her.
"Excuse me?" I can't even say that what I felt was shock at that moment. I can't even describe what I was feeling.
"To ensure you have a seat on Monday and make sure you're fully invested in the company. Would you like me to leave you with an envelope?" She handed me an envelope and I stared at her speckled hands but did not take it. "I'll just set it right here for you." Margo sing-songed.
"How much are you asking me for?" And why in the friggin hell would you ask me for money when I haven't even gotten a paycheck from this damn company.
"Oh dear, we don't ask. We just take."

I think that just about sums this company up. "We don't ask, we just take." Take valuable hours of people's lives. Throw the weak and desperate on Dialers so they can cold-call and prey on other weak and desperate people. No one asks; what is really going on here? Is this legal? And if it is, is it ethical? Does anyone care? Does anyone care that people are being sent around cubicle to cubicle to collect money from hard working employees who haven't even seen a paycheck yet? You're going to make me pay to sit in my damn seat when I haven't seen a cent for all my hours of work or compensation for a sale that fell through? But screw it, I'm glad it fell through, because that person realized something before I did: that this whole thing is b.s. What we're selling does help people, but not all people. And if it's not for them or they can't pay I'm not going to push them.

It's not in my nature to manipulate or intimidate just to make a sale. I care about people. What we're doing can't even be called telemarketing because telemarketers get paid. We don't even have a set pay-scale because it's a new company and new office. Whatever. If I get a paycheck tomorrow, I still am unsure about whether I will stay. I don't have a back up job yet. I feel I need a safety net. Psychologically it's nice to dress in business attire and go to an office from 9-5. But I've come to see that's all it is, dress up. I don't look professional, I look like a well-dressed fool. What I can tell you for sure is that if I do not have a paycheck for at least a week's pay waiting for me, I will tell these scumbags where to go AND show them how to get there. I will make them wish I was never born.

40 Jobs in 40 Nights

Okay, the title is exaggerated. However, a different job every week still makes me a big shameless floosy. The retail job fell through for reasons too bizarre and stupid to name, and now I have gone from Brittan ravashing retail personnel to Brittan terrifying telemarketer. I'm actually not terrifying, (although I am ravishing heehee) I just like illteration. That and today was my first day so I haven't had enough practice to be terrifying. But I will try harder tomorrow :)

At Least It's Something...Don't Know What It Is, But It's Something

Now I am working at a clothing store (dangerous for compulsive buyers like myself) and making $8. I get paid in cash, I think that says something..but I don't care what it says because it's nice to have actual cash resting in my pretty little mits! To be continued..

When They Scam You and Call YOU a Liar

I walked into the office today. Then I went to see the manager and told him that I could no longer work at this company. He proceeded to tell me I had no integrity and that I really didn't deserve this position that other people might have been dying for. Really? Really? This position someone missed out on because of me? At the time that I went in, they were three brand spanking new people in the lobby waiting to start their training. Two others, not including myself had already started. Unless they're homeless people, teenagers, circus workers or just naive individuals who don't know or don't care that they're being scammed, I'm pretty sure there is no one "dying" for this position. And even if I'm wrong about that, all they would have to do is wait a few days for the company to start accepting applications all over again. Days! Not weeks, just days. The manager went on to tell me that I was cutting myself short in this job, robbing myself of the success I might have! I guess because I've had so much monetary success in it already, right? $50 in three days, who knows, maybe it would have gone up to $55? Maybe $60? What about the day where I made NO money at all? Shame on me for cutting myself short. I was told that I had misled them, ha, they mislead people every damn day in a MLM like this one. So I'm a liar, I have no integrity, I didn't deserve to be a part of an MLM and I lost out on making less than minimum wage: hmm, did they think saying all this would make me stay? Better figure out a new tactic there, because this chick ain't fallin for it.

And By the Way...

that magazine never called me back, although I was told enthusiastically by the CEO that they would "definitely" call me later in the week. I have heard nothing. I wish people would leave some of the smoke they blow up people's behinds...uh..well, behind.

Child Laborers Make More Than Me

So I've been at this job for three days and made $50. They pump you so full of crap I feel like a sceptic tank that's seeped into the back and the front yard. A 100% commission based job where everyone is supposed to be working as a team to make the company the most money? How bout not. Silly "bell parties" where you ring a bell and run down the line giving your "co-workers" high fives? Weird and a big fat social anxiety nightmare. We walked all over downtown L.A., almost ended up in southcentral L.A., thank God someone nixed that idea! What's next? Inglewood? Watts? Skidrow? All that walking and you want to know something? My mother went for a two mile walk this morning and found about a dollar in pennies just laying on the street. She made more than I did today.

Pyramid of Cards

I think I just sold my soul to the devil...and that's probably the first sign that you've just been duped into a pyramid scheme. Now I'm not an idoit (most of the time anyway)so when I was looking at the job posting there was no hint of the greasy, bull sh*% coated slope that they intended to push you down. Of course, when is there ever a hint? After shadowing a "leader" and going from business to business and selling absolutely nothing (the pay is 100% comission by the way, didnt find that out until later, nice)I have come to see it all for what it really is. I don't know what to do.

Double-Timing Floosy

An employer called me today. I recently (and by recently I mean last night) I applied for a position as a entry-level account manager, and this individual who called me was following up on my application. It's full time work, I think I saw something about benefits in there, and by the way I really am not any good at math or juggling numbers. Why did I apply? Temporary insanity perhaps? Should be an interesting interview. And I'm still waiting on the other employer to call me back. I'm really hoping these two things will not end up conflicting with each other. It's like I'm dating two men that don't know about each other...not an experience I am unfamilliar with, but potentially hazardous all the same. I guess that makes me a two timing job slut :)

Vicious, Ravenous Job-Hunter, A.K.A: 24 Y.O. Female Post-Grad

I am forced to admit that like any human being I feel run down by a steady stream of rejection. I'm a poor, post-grad whose found that the walls of academia have collapsed and deteriorated as if they were never there to begin with. I have been mutated into a mad, raving animal foaming at the mouth, hunting jobs as if they were supple young deer to be brought down quickly and ripped open. Little graphic, but you get the idea. I feel sometimes, and I try to shove the thought away quickly, that these rejections reflect my inadequacies as a person and maybe I'm just not good enough for any job. I feel as though I worked for this degree that means about as much as that dog turd (at least I think it was from a dog) that I stepped in right after one of my failed job interviews. This thing that is supposed to put me ahead of the pack professionally, hasn't. I'm hoping during this waiting period, that it will affect something in relation to this last successful interview. But who knows? I must be doing something wrong, after all I'm not waving a pay check around as of yet. Sound like self-pity? Well it is and so what? We all need a space to vent and feel a little sorry right before we pick ourselves and get over it. So this has been mine.

No Hitch In My Interview's Gitty-Up

Well, it happened
An interview that went smoothly and without a hitch (although I've never really understood that saying because if there were a hitch for a situation to get stuck on, what would it look like? Would it be a big hitch, small hitch, fat hitch, tall hitch?)At any rate, I drove out an hour early because I am directionally challenged and often get lost. It's a problem and I've come to terms with it. Moving on, I found the place after a few go-arounds because I mixed up the right turn I made with the left turn Mapquest told me I should have made and ended up south of where I should have been. I think it was south, maybe it was east? I looked very professional in a librarian sort of way with white slacks, light brown heels, a brown blouse, white and brown blazer. I had adorned my wrist with two gold bracelts and topped it off with the lovely, large smoky topaze ring my family gave me for graduation. I pumelled them with all the work from my portfolio (copies of press releases, articles, more press releases, more articles) and they seemed to really love my work. So, now the waiting game begins.

Thank You Lady GaGa.....

for this priceless line "boys like you love me forever." So true, so true :)




Completely unrelated to anything of substance going on in my life, but it reminds me that I'm a catch, and doesn't something like that make everyone feel good?

That's When You Know They're Idiots.....

when the employers talk loudly about you as you're filling out an employment application as if you have already left the vacinity and in fact you're sitting just a couple feet in front of the reception counter they are standing behind.

Example: 2 female managers of a spa I applied to work at as a sales rep.


Idiot Woman 1: What's this? (throws my resume to the wayside)

Idiot Woman 2: Oh, this girl gave me that, I told her we weren't hiring but she just kept insisting, so I gave her one.

(incorrect, I asked if I could fill out an application in spite of them not hiring at this time, at no point did I insist, harrass, or physically attack these nimrods in order to obtain an application. Although later, I wished I would have physically attacked them)

Idiot Woman 1:We'll I'm not hiring right now.

Idiot Woman 2: Well I know we're not hiring right now, there are no positions.

Idiot Woman 1: None at all.

Idiot Woman 2: But I guess you never know.

Idiot Woman 1: No, you never know, maybe something will open.

Idiot Woman 2: Maybe, but nothing now.

Idiot Woman 1: Oh no, nothing now, I'm not hiring. But if she wants to try, I guess you never know what can happen.

Idiot Woman 2: That's right, you never know.

How To Slaughter An Interview

So picture it, that one interview that you prepared for, feeling svelt and confident in your abilities, proud with what you have to offer your would-be employer, and knowing you will be able to finally supplement your income to support that nasty habit you have: writing. Then the shit slowly begins to float, gracefully, like a particle of horrific crap dust, towards the fan. This was my experience:

The woman who will be interviewing me has given me bad directions and neglected to mention that the office I am seeking is not marked by any noticeable sign or any indication of its presence at all save for a very faint building number and some equally faint scribbly writing on the glass of the front window that reads: Caring Hands Dental Practice. Really? Because when I was finally able to make out the enigimatic lettering on the window after my tenth go around in the parking lot, the first thing that came to my mind was: oh there's the dentist office! Yeah right. Caring Hands? Denistry? Do they double as a rub and tug on the side and the dentistry part is just for appearance sake? I ended up being fifteen minutes late, although I did call to verify the location and got the same vague directions. Anywho, the position I am interviewing for is as a PR/Marketing agent for this dentist office, and in spite of my lack of experience, I am able to convey to the office manager that I am a hard working individual, I care about people and my desire to help them would allow me to sell this service to them in order to benefit their health and lives in general, as well as expressing my ability to represent the dentist office and ultimately widen their client base. She began to seem very interested in me...until her teeth began to hurt because a mere few hours ago she had veneers put in and throughout the entire interview had been suffering agonizing pain, so much so she could not even smile, on top of the growing pain in her mouth her husband calls and tells her very grave family news that leaves her not only in physical pain, but emotional distress, so she ends the interview early and slaps me with those dreaded words: I'll give you a call. That's about when the crap particles became a shit storm and offically hit the fan. Gotta love job hunting.

A Life Based On Hope Alone

Come here, go anywhere, end up nowhere.
Once I fell under that illusion too.
Like a sheer sheet, beneath it I go.
In its folds I am lost,
I cannot find the way, I am angry.
Nothing to feel but alone.
Sweep back the glitter of academia, alone.
Ask yourself will it take me nowhere?
Don't ask me that, I feel so angry!
It will happen, has happened to you too.
It seemed all won, but really all is lost.
Take up your No. 2 pencils and let it go.
This is not the way you thought it would go,
no possibility of failure, only success alone!
Along with my annual fees, optimism is something I lost.
Follow a path of papers, books, and time to nowhere.
And you will find scholastic achievements there too.
I am scared which is why I am angry.
A drive to survive makes being angry
Inconvenient. Drop the dead weight, let the rest go.
Grab a beer and light a smoke too.
Look beyond the grating feel that will not let you alone.
Lingering on it moves you nowhere.
Though you are terrified of what may be lost.
Running the wheel, wading through Paradise Lost,
Ambition is what made Milton angry.
But look and you will find nowhere
That you venture and go
Will hand you a life based on hope alone.
Foster ambition, confidence, and faith too.
Where I am, you have or will be too.
All looks, but is not really lost.
Really, there is a crowd, not me alone.
Try, try not to feel angry all
That you really have to do is let go.
Being afraid gets everyone nowhere.

Leaving Sac. town

Tomorrow, I will be returning home. I've had the magnificent opportunity to intern at my cousin's PR firm up in Sacramento and also stayed with her and her husband in their lovely home. I know I have only spent a short time here, but I've learned a great deal about how media in so many shapes and forms: brochures, commercials, press conferences, social networking sites, just to name a few of the endless parade of genres, can represent a particular cause or deliver a message that otherwise would never make it to its target audience on a grand scale. I find that fascinating. I admit, I am not politically savvy in any way, shape, or form but I like that in order to convey a message there can be a neat intertwining between creativity and politics. An appeal to the sense of sight combined with some masterful wording.

Have You Ever Thought This?

Despite all the good you may have done for other people or the successes you have had, maybe you are actually a terrible person. Maybe sparing somone's feelings or trying to protect them from some great hurt will eventually evolve into a cruel, sad joke on them that you have enabled. And that would in effect make you a terrible person. Maybe it has never really been about the people around you, but rather it's always been about you and satisfying your own selfish needs and compulsions and making it look like it is about those other people. These things might make you, yes you, whose sitting or standing or squating reading this; a terrible person. Or just human. I guess it's all subjective.

The Best Things I've Discovered

Some of the best conversations happen late at night.

Some of the best things happen when you just let go and jump.

Some of the best people you meet might hurt you in the end, but it was only because they were scared and could not jump.

Some of the best things happen when you come to realize that, despite all the people who have hurt you, there is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Some of your best moments happen when you love a person as they are.

Some of the worst pain that has ever racked your body and split your insides open gives way to the greatest love you have ever known.

The best paths taken are guided by God.

And those are the ones that lead to the best things.

Solution to Writer's Block?

Thoughts On Writer's Block

It sucks big barf buckets (to steal my cousin's wordage)...but more specifically it makes me question my own ability to write. You always hear that quote "Writers write!" Even though I know it to be true, you might have heard it also, but...don't you just want to punch a person in the face when they say that? Really? Writers Write? Well drivers drive, how bout them apples.




If I'm having trouble writing is that supposed to mean I am not a writer? In my mind I can see the characters. I know them, they are real living people, and people I might add that I probably would not want to meet. Most of the characters in my story are odd, obnoxious, aggressive, complex, so why in the hell am I having trouble writing their story?


I'm not really sure of the answer to that question. But here's an excellent quote that describes who a writer really is:
A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. ~Thomas Mann, Essays of Three Decades, 1947

Mood Indigo

The sky at first light
In the piney mountains, is
Splattered red and pink
As if it were painted by
A child, imagine
Tiny, fat fingers slathered
In vivid hues, fresh
And brilliant without tarnish

Giggles ride the breeze,
And modest hands make palm prints on
The indigo sky
The dawn is our child, its
Mist slow and serpentine

"Reanimation”

A summer storm that wets grass.
An embrace of home.
An easy sleep next to him.
Before, I was emptiness.


Now he makes me real.

It's getting to be that time of day...you know the one....your blood sugar and energy are low

After College....

"Destiny has two ways of crushing us--by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them"-Henri Frederic Amiel

See, told you I was an optimist :)

oops

CORRECTION:Public Three is the name of  the class blog. The class was about the Public Sphere, which is really any place that people can make conversation about anything and exchange views. There are more stipulations than that, you can find some of what we did and the issues we covered in the blog. I admit, some of it might be a tad boring, but there's lots of pretty pictures :) Also, we covered a discussion about the murdered women of Juarez, Mexico. It's very interesting and disturbing all at the same time, well worth a read! Young and old were slaughtered, I wrote a poem about it also on this group blog. 

In case you missed the link: publicthree.blogspot.com

The Beginning: After College

I've decided the time has come to wade back into the swampy waters of the blogosphere. Actually, it's been about a year and a half since I was forced, well, not forced, it's not like we all had sawed-off shotguns to our heads, but REQUIRED to start up a group blog on this very site. I think we were referred to as "public one" or something. Anywho, the class that required it (a class I thought I had to take but apparently I didn't) is over and I have graduated with my B.A. in English from Cal State San Bernardino. 

Well, la dee friggin da, right?? What to do now? Let me put it this way:

Graduation meant not success, but a loss. Loss of scholastic structure, loss of direction, loss of the dream that I could be whatever  it was I desired to be. Loss because I am lost. Floundering, with nothing but some lousy degree to keep me afloat. For the time being anyway. Until the academic degree's initial beam of hope that bore me upward was extinguished by rejection, trumped by lack of experience, and eventually reduced to a piece of paper that really does not mean much at all.

Did I mention that I'm an optimist? Or that despite all the sulking in the paragraph above, I am anxiously waiting the arrival of my diploma? 

And did you know that I'm a Whiskey Rock-A-Roller? That's what I am.

More to come.